I’m not a wife, though I am a mom due to my “pre-saved” activities. I’ve repented and moved on.
I will admit that I went through a season of being hard-hearted toward marriage. But, upon being saved, God imprinted in my heart that His ways are perfect. Though I was still jaded, I knew that I had to have more respect for that which God has designed and blessed. God encouraged me to bring my concerns to Him. And, over time: He softened my heart again. I now love the thought of marriage *because* I love and trust God.
But, this doesn’t mean that I want it right now. I am currently resting in being a daughter of God. A loved and overprotected daughter of the King. I’m in a chapter that is so full of love and peace, and joy and safety… that I don’t actually desire a romantic relationship right now.
Also: having a heart for marriage doesn’t mean that I’m ready for it.
But I know that a switch will flip at some point. Not carnally, but spiritually. God has done it for me in the past. Before He ushers in things that are aligned with His will, He prepares me for them. And part of His preparation includes an inexplicable excitement. When God ushers in something major, I find joy in things that others consider burdensome. I find storylines in things that others consider sacrifice. It’s always been this way for me.
Simply put: I’ll know when I’m ready for marriage. I’ll know.
In the meantime, I’ve been bringing my list to God. My list describes a man who is a literal needle in a haystack. Seriously. If God has even created such a person, I’d be floored.
When I first brought my list to God, He immediately comforted me in knowing: Either I’ll get exactly what I want, or He’ll conform my heart’s desires to align with His.
In bringing my list to God, He quelled my fears; reminding me how far He’s brought me in the areas of truth, boundaries and trust:
- I know the truth of the Gospel and I can recognize distortion.
- I no longer tolerate or make excuses for lying and confusion.
- I know that if I resist the devil, he will flee.
- And, I trust God to deliver me from any manipulator if they happen to fool me with their mask.
And, in bringing my list, God birthed in me a new pressing question: How should my future husband and I serve each other?
At the time of that question, I decided to skip ahead in my Bible reading to Proverbs 31; since the common saying among church people is that ladies should strive to be, “a proverbs 31 woman.”
In reading it, my jaw dropped. There were three things that God had previously directed me to focus on in my personal life. Things that have nothing to do with marriage. Things that I was still being nonchalant and wishy-washy about. Proverbs 31 addressed all three! It was such a divine encouragement, reminding me that I know God’s voice, that He hears mine and that He wants me to focus… on Him.
I was so ecstatic about what He showed me in Scripture, that I stopped wondering about being a wife… and I started listening to my Father. My Heavenly Father who knows best.
Months later, I finished my actual read-through of Proverbs. And, shortly after, while in prayer, I let God know that I was so joyful to know Him. That I didn’t think I needed anything extra to feel closer to Him. But that if there was something more that He wanted me to feel, to please let me feel it.
In that moment, He gave me a rush of thoughts… and a divine realization. He reminded me that the church is the Bride of Christ. That He serves us, eternally, and that we love Him deeply. He enables us to serve Him out of that love.
I ran to my Bible and flipped to Proverbs 31, yet again.
And, I wrote out my thoughts:
“The church is the Bride of Christ. Jesus finds us. The Father finds us and draws us. Jesus keeps us. The Holy Spirit indwells us. The Lord is our confidence. God loves us.
The thing is: We are valuable to Him, but He keeps us holy. He sets us apart and sustains us. Jesus makes us pure before the Father. He makes us righteous. He makes us of noble character. Outside of Him, we are not.
He enables us to work His will. To work with our hands. To provide food. To make right purchases. To work hard and be profitable. He enables and encourages our generosity. He keeps us from fear and provides the wisdom needed for preparation.
He is the husband respected by all. He makes us “laugh at the days to come.” He gives us homes to steward and commands us to partake in Him – the bread of life – not the bread of idleness.
All children of God know that the church is blessed. The work the Lord enables us to do will be honored in Heaven and we will cast crowns right back to Him.
Because it is He who is to be praised. God and God alone.
Amen. PRAISE THE LORD.”
I cannot and will not speak to the ins-and-outs of marriage, as I’m not there yet. But God did give me this:
Proverbs 31 represents the church. When Born Again Believers – single or married – humbly recognize that they are members of the Bride. They will first focus on loving Jesus; fixing their eyes on Christ.
Because without Christ, we see how the story goes.
If we were to rewind: Eve, though a real person, also points to the church. Eve was the wife of Adam. Eve was deceived, and Adam subsequently succumbed to temptation, failing to remain upright. God held Adam, Eve’s covering, accountable. Except, Genesis records that Adam – at least in speech – desired some level of separation; attempting to distinguish his actions from those of the woman God had given him.
But, Jesus is the Second Adam. The Better Adam. He is God. The Second Person of the Trinity. Husband to the Bride.
For those of us in Christ, Jesus is our covering. He sought us. He keeps us. He bore our sins on the cross and willingly paid the price for us. He reconciled us and has no desire to leave us because of our fallibility. God has sealed us. And because we are eternally saved, we are eternally grateful and can walk out our love as a perfectly loved, Proverbs 31 Bride.
So, to the Kingdom men and women, the single and the married: If you seek Jesus first… keeping your eyes on Him… And, if you seek the Kingdom first… being a faithful member of the Bride…
He will birth in your heart new desires.
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
