These posts will be be detailing a few different subjects:
A Piece of My Testimony
Why I left My Church
God’s Protection (+ Holy Spirit Led Understanding) During My Time There
For over half a year, God pushed me to grow in my faith in ways I didn’t know I needed. Once I finally submitted to Him, He took me through a series of lessons which brought me to a greater understanding of things such as: repentance and forgiveness. This journey all happened while still attending my former church home. However, God’s guidance was totally separate from my pastor’s sermons and teachings.
In January of 2024, I had come to such a strong place in my faith walk. I was excited about life; and I was even eager to see how God would address my challenging situations. I felt a bit overwhelmed with all of the things I still had to work on within myself, but I knew that God would be walking with me.
Knowing that I was so happy even while in the midst of a few storms, led me to want to pray against potential self-righteousness. For some reason, I just felt that my new found revelations could cause me to become prideful, and so it became a conversation I kept before God.
Please be sure to read Part 1, first.
WHY I LEFT MY CHURCH:
In December 2023, I jumped on the phone with one of my friends to have a quick conversation about something in the news. The conversation eventually turned spiritual, and they started questioning my church’s messaging. (This is a friend that I knew from – and had met in – said church. However, they’d eventually left for a new church home.)
I tried to be receptive to what they were saying, and I did genuinely entertain it for a while. But, I also was pretty tired of the conversation. Sure, it was the first time this friend had broached the topic, but it wasn’t the first time I’d encountered pushback about my church.
I joined my church in February 2014, was baptized there in 2015, volunteered for a few years and was a faithful attendee for 10 years.
Over the years, I’ve had several reasons posed to me about why I should leave. And, because it’s a pretty well known church, I’d been met with criticism from both former members as well as those who had never heard a full sermon. I would always tell people, “I love my pastor, but I would never place him above God. If there’s really something I should know, help me understand and I’ll look into it.”
Unfortunately, most arguments fell flat. I found many critiques to either be factually wrong or simply not fully fleshed out. Even now, it’s hard to find articles that properly explain the depth of the issue and the way in which the pastor manipulates scripture. You’d have to explore the sermons over a lengthy period of time to understand how people can be fooled into believing it as truth. You can’t write people off as “sheepish.” You have to understand how his teachings and concepts become ingrained in our psyche, alongside Scripture. You would also have to realize that many congregants likely lack a solid Biblical or Doctrinal foundation. You can’t pinpoint deception if you don’t first know the truth.
Anyway, no one could explain to me what was “wrong” with my church and my own Google-searching yielded little. So, I finally got to the point a few years ago where I simply asked God to protect me. I told Him that I was grateful for my church home and that I was exhausted trying to vet everyone’s negativity for truth. I told Him that there seemed to be a visceral hatred for my pastor and the church body, and it was off-putting.
I asked Him to let me know if I ever needed to leave.
Now, back to my friend…
My friend handled our phone conversation very well, in my opinion. They weren’t pushy, but they were convicted. When we hung up, they sent me a text message which included a sermon from a pastor I’d never heard of. The pastor actually delivered this sermon while serving as a guest pastor at my church, and the video was uploaded by a non-affiliated account.
Because it was uploaded by a third party, there was an overload of comments bashing my church and its congregants. My friend tried to urge me to ignore the comments.
I could also tell from the comments that the sermon was going to be very hard-hitting. Because I place truth over everything, I knew that I’d want to eventually watch the sermon, but that I was too defensive to receive it at that moment. So I decided that I’d watch at a later date.
To take the pressure off of having to form an immediate opinion, I told my friend that I would not be letting them know when I watched.
I continued on attending my church without a care in the world. I was in so much prayer over my own tangible situations, that I knew I just needed to stay focused on all of the ways that God was growing, healing and working in me. Just about every week, the things I’d be praying over during my personal time with God, ended up being addressed in church. I still knew that God was meeting me at that church. I’ll talk about this more in Part 3.
Then, one day in February 2024, at the tail end of the sermon, my pastor said and did something that disturbed my spirit. I won’t even say what it was because I don’t actually know if it was intentional.
In thinking about it, I know it was absolutely the Holy Spirit capturing my attention. No one in the world could have said anything to make me question my pastor to the level that God did in that moment.
Over the next ten days, I did a deep-dive, hoping fully that my search would turn up fruitless. I wanted to be able to remain at my church and – though he is human – I didn’t want to think horribly of my pastor.
I actually didn’t find any confirmation that he was involved in what I thought he might be involved in. And, I thought this meant that I would be able to remain in my church. With that knowledge, I kept on my path of research – simply for the sake of research – and I learned a lot about… a lot.
Deception within the church is something that is warned against in the Bible. It talks about false prophets and apostasy. (“Apostasy is a rebellion or abandonment of faith in God or His Word.” – GotQuestions.org)
I learned about ecumenism and furthermore, the ultimate push for a one world religion. For this to happen, there needs to be a meshing of doctrines, religions, “gods”, and places of worship. (Hence, the worldly motive.)
I learned that in order to accomplish this meshing, many Christian leaders are intentionally planting seeds of “doubt.” The tactic involves slipping in doubt about God’s word, power and sovereignty. The method is also carried out via the “little gods” doctrine, prosperity preaching, Eisegetical preaching and the Word of Faith movement. (Hence, the deception)
This deep-dive was the first time I’d learned about the “little gods” doctrine and the Word of Faith movement. Here are some quotes on it from GotQuestions.org:
“…the “little god controversy” originated with Word of Faith pastors and teachers. The basic idea … is that humans are … of the same “spiritual class” as God Himself.”
“The main tenet of Word of Faith is that, when we ask something of God in faith, He is compelled to fill the request. As “little gods,” our words have much power.”
“Claiming divinity for Christians is insupportable, especially taking the rest of the Bible into account. God is God alone (Isaiah 37:16). …Jesus was fully God and fully man.”
“If the “little gods” hypothesis is accepted, it imputes to Jesus a lesser divinity of some kind; He became a “little god” like us.”
I finally started to realize how much of this actually applied to my pastor, so I kept praying.
At some point within those 10 days, I came across an IG Live where the speaker explained that the entire Bible points to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. They explained that God created all of us, but only those in Christ could lay claim to being a “Child of God.” That was new information.
I then read an article that showed an example of Eisegesis and, I realized that my understanding of the word had been surface. I realized that my pastor’s sermons were totally Eisegetical. (He “introduces [his] own biases or agendas” into the text. – Wikipedia)
I then listened to the sermon that my friend texted me all those weeks prior. The guest pastor explained that the Old Testament is comprised of real accounts of real people, but that: the Old Testament figures – like David or Moses – foreshadow Christ.
For example’s sake: When reading the story of David and Goliath, Believers should liken David’s role to Jesus and Goliath’s role to the enemy. Believers would, therefore, be best represented by the Israelites; a group of people in desperate need of forgiveness, reconciliation and deliverance. That was new information.
(Disclaimer: Please know that the church never replaces Israel. To this day – Israel is still God’s chosen people, and the Church is His Bride. But when searching for ourselves in Scripture, we should realize that our role is more like the Israelites’ than David’s.)
The guest pastor spoke about how our purpose and ultimate calling, as Believers, is to give glory to God and to spread the Gospel of Christ. THAT was new information.
He showed example after example of where all of these things are mentioned in Scripture.
(I expound on all of this, HERE, if you want to bookmark it for later.)
I then went back and listened to several of my (former) pastor’s sermons.
I’ll give you examples of the manipulation:
•••
Manipulation of the idea of “transformation”:
For years, my (former) pastor has been teaching that: God created us in His image and He knew us before we were born. Therefore, we just need to “remember” who we are. We need to know that our sinful nature is not really indicative of who we are. He also preaches that: When we say something negative about ourself we are disrespecting the God who made us.
What he should be teaching is that: We were born with a sinful nature, into a sinful world. We do have sinful ways, but grace and salvation is found in Christ. Jesus Christ transforms us and gives us a new heart with new desires.
God will be sanctifying us throughout our lives. We will never be perfect while walking this earth. We will still be tempted by sin and we will have times where we fall. But we won’t be slaves to our sin, and we won’t feel content in our sin. When we sin, we need to confess it to God immediately.
My (former) pastor should be teaching that we need to search Scripture for truth on who we are called to be. (Not, that we need to try to “remember” who we are.) We are to pick up our cross and set our sight on Christ so that we may walk the narrow path.
My (former) pastor does not correctly address sin, much less the need to repent from it.
•••
Manipulation of the word “created”:
My (former) pastor often conflates the words “created” and “chosen” when preaching. He teaches that: We were created to be good, and we need to return to the version of ourselves that God already knows.
This is wrong.
Of course, God created this whole world and every living being. But, the Bible also says that – when those who are chosen accept Christ – they are then made into a new creation.
My (former) pastor would use the first half of Ephesians 1:4 to underscore his point: “For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world…” He’d explain that because we were chosen, we are already whole and good. He’d then break into an anecdote without ever completing the full verse!
Had he read the full thing, he would have been forced to acknowledge the last 8 words:
“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.“
•••
Manipulation of the word “saved”:
My (former) pastor did not preach on Hell. He did state that God can’t be near sin, which is why we need Jesus. He did teach that Jesus gave His life for the forgiveness of our sins. However, he did not talk about the consequence of sin or what it means to be separate from God for eternity. He did not teach about Hell.
He should have mentioned that Hell is a place where God’s wrath would be poured on Satan, Satan’s army and on every unbeliever for every sin they’ve ever committed. Your soul will either spend eternity with God, in Heaven – completely forgiven and spared from His wrath. Or you will be in Hell paying for every sin.
You will either benefit from God’s loving mercy or you will be subject to His righteous judgment.
Because my (former) pastor failed to talk about sin, he would get away with saying things like, “It’s not about what you’re being saved from. It’s about what you’re being saved for.”
He would then direct the conversation back to the myriad of troubling circumstances that the congregation was potentially navigating. He would tell us that if we are still struggling, we just needed to persevere in faith because, “God has a purpose for us.
He would say: “God saved us for a reason.”
I was ignorant to the reality of Hell, sin, repentance, mercy and judgment. This type of preaching would have never brought me to salvation in Jesus. And I know for a fact that I was not alone. In reality: It is all about what you’re being saved from. Salvation allows you to be forgiven, spared and saved from having to spend eternity apart from God, in Hell.
(Questioning your salvation, click HERE.)
•••
Manipulation of “our calling”:
My (former) pastor teaches that we were predestined for a calling that will continue to unfold over the course of our life.
He’d read Ephesians 1:11: “In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will”
But, because the verse ends with a comma, he should have continued on to verse 12. The two verses together, read:
“In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.“
Our ultimate calling and purpose is already laid out for us. And it is written all throughout Scripture. It is not something we have to search for.
•••
Manipulation of “God’s promise”:
My (former) pastor did talk about how life is improved by knowing Jesus. And, it is! However, he taught it through a “word of faith” prosperity gospel lens. He very insidiously taught that if things are not well, you simply need to have more faith. A greater emphasis was placed on believing in God to fulfill our requests rather than on submitting to God’s will, and following His Word.
God is a wonderful God “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.” But His ultimate promise to us is salvation in Jesus Christ. The blessings we receive here on this earth are a testament to His favor, His grace, His power and His mighty hand on our life. If we need something, we are to ask – believing fully in His power, while humbly yielding to His will. We are to remember that He is not a genie in a bottle, living to grant our every wish. He is the LORD OUR GOD, and we need to respect and revere Him as the Head of our life in every way. (More on this: HERE.)
I watched the next Sunday’s sermon from home and paused, researched and read surrounding passages as my former pastor preached. I noticed all the manipulation of Scripture.
I then went back and watched old sermons dating years back. I noticed the manipulation there too.
His definitions for things such as joy, humility and repentance are all either slightly or blatantly off.
I knew, at that point, that he was compromising the truth. I knew I had to leave. And, I knew that God had prepped me for that very moment.
Over the course of my life, I’d gotten myself into – and even repeatedly returned to – so many different manipulative situations. 2023 had been a year of realization and healing from decades’ worth of drama. All of it came into play in this moment.
God had brought me to a place where I was mentally strong enough to recognize the deception. And I was emotionally strong enough to recover from the feeling of loss I knew I’d feel after parting ways. If He had not first gotten me to that place, I would’ve second guessed everything I was learning, and I probably would’ve stayed.
And, if I had stayed, I would’ve never made it to the next, and most important step, in my faith.
The newfound information lifted an unimaginable weight from my shoulders.
Remember the “overwhelm” I felt?
Well, the teachings of the Word of Faith movement cause you to become self-reliant over time. You sincerely think you’re leaning on God, but you are really shouldering the weight of your battle.
Remember when the pastor from my friend’s sermon was talking about the Old Testament figures foreshadowing Christ? (ie. David delivered the Israelites out of the enemy’s hands, just as Jesus does for us.)
Well, that single example allowed me to understand, on so many different levels, that Jesus is our Savior, our shepherd, our teacher and our defender. It was the first time I’d been able to release a lot of the things I felt I was “called” to do. It was the first time that I realized that I didn’t need to be the lone fighter, chosen by God, to go into battle. It was the first time that I realized that Jesus had already “done it all.” He’d forgiven me. He fought, is fighting and will fight again for me and all who are in Him. Jesus is the one I can rest in.
Our job is to focus on His teachings and to learn what we are called to do. I believe we should be reading both the Old and New Testaments. The whole Bible is incredibly powerful. But, as Believers, the New Testament – Jesus’ ministry and teachings – tells us everything we need to know about our calling.
God made this beautiful world for us to live in, enjoy and experience. And we will find a sense of purpose in plenty of things. But, our ultimate purpose is what it is: to give God glory and to spread the Gospel.
I find this to be incredibly freeing.
I left my church in February 2024 and, about a week later, I gave my life to Christ in my living room.
We said the prayer for salvation as a church every Sunday. But I’m not sure if I was truly saved before. I’m sure now.
Although finding a new church home is extremely important to me, I decided to first try to understand the various types of preaching that exist. I found out that what I’m looking for is Expository preaching of the Gospel. This style of preaching adheres strictly to Scripture without the hyperbole. I also took a quiz which helped me to think, research, pray over and study, my doctrinal beliefs.
Since March 2024, I’ve been listening to a Bible Study on Spotify which has impacted me in a way I can’t even explain. The pastor has been preaching for over 40 years. I have learned so much about Jesus’ teachings and who we are called to be as Believers. In studying the Beatitudes, the understanding that we are to be “poor in spirit” – which is the richest form of humility – has been powerful. It also directly addressed my fear of becoming self-righteous. Additionally, I have learned so much about how we are to love.
Something else I learned from the Bible Study on Spotify is that God draws you near, the Holy Spirit convicts and Christ saves.
So, if anything I’ve written here has convicted you to take a second look at your church home, know that it is the Holy Spirit convicting you! Not me.
Isn’t that beautiful?
Isn’t it beautiful how God used my prayer time and a scary situation in my life to draw me closer? He exposed me to different concepts that I wasn’t learning in church, via a series of lessons. He taught me that everything is a battle for the soul. He had me practice discretion so that I wouldn’t take credit for deliverance, but that I would give Him the glory. He had me learn about repentance and forgiveness. I found myself on my knees, praying to be viewed as righteous in His eyes. He taught me to stand firm and to not compromise truth.
And, all of it… Every single thing He taught me in 2023 has been confirmed in 2024 through a proper preaching of the Gospel. Jesus Christ is righteous and I am in the palm of His hand, made as righteous only through Him. I am not righteous on my own and could never be. Only through Christ am I redeemed. Everything is certainly a battle for the soul. The enemy wants us to worship him and, outside of Christ, the enemy has control. But in Christ, I have salvation. God wants the glory. We are made to worship Him, and I love to do so.
God has had His hands on me; keeping me, even when I was sitting under preaching which could have led me astray. I am so grateful for Him.
So, now, it is important for me to state…
Update: In the Summer of 2024, I found a new church home! Read about that journey, HERE.
Lexzie in Christ 